The Mother Squirrel

That was all it took as the menacing little bastard scurried up the tree. He was just out of range, though a piercing smile overwhelmed his little face. He had taken out my comrade, with a bite to the leg. Greg was out cold, as blood streamed from his black and blued ankle. Quickly in accordance with my ASH (Anti Squirrel Handbook) I grabbed him by the throat and bashed him into the floor. Playing dead for a minute I though he was mine, i leant over to see what size coaster he would be, when he sprang out of nowhere and nearly cost me my vision. I followed him to h hisedout where he sat mocking me with an ample sized accorn occupying hi left paw. With the butt of my gun i gave it the thrashing of it's life hard hard hard to his skull, he was out cold, i picked him up, neck twitching, i thrust his feeble body into the air. Yet I was far from finishing my mission, the Mother Squirrel was still at large, pushing so high dense weeds aside i tipped my camoflouged hat and proceeded into t heart of the bastard childs hideout. A Bastard child he was indeed. We had done much research, and although we knew the Mother Squirrels weakness, it would not be an easy fight. I gripped my pouch for reassurance, our secret weapon, devised by NASA, and a team of Russian scientists would aid me on my mission. Alas i had traveled as far as i could and lay down for the night. And that my friends was when it happened. The mother Squirrel rose with an overbearing noise like a grumpy old woman in the morning searching for her dentures. It must have been 2 1/2 feet, with teeth as sharp as razors. It ran straight at me, disregarding any form of prudence, its body tumbling gracefully, it sank its ravenous teeth into the base of my calf, i hollared in pain. I pointed my 12 gage straight at it's head and pulled the trigger, but it was too fast, and by the time the bullet had graced the air, it's paws had found my face. Leaving 3 scratch marks in an odd sort of pattern, the mother squirrel leaped back. It was ready to attack again. A rolling sumersault, a dizzing array of noises, and it had owned me, and my every movement. My life was near over, when i remembered the secret weapon. I quickly drew it from my pouch unfoiling it and revealing it to the light of the moon. The Mother Squirrels interest had been perked, and at this moment with its paws set forward, it cocked its head so as to inquire what the item was. I lunged forward at it, planting the item on the floor. AN ACORN HAND HELD GRENADE - the mother squirrel ate it - It never did make a good coaster as it had been blown apart - the only proof of its existance were the echoing noises in the hills ..... gna ngna gnna gnna ..... gna gnna gnan gnan - some say the mother squirrel can still be heard today.....

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